Top Ten Reasons that Bill Gates would run for president.

Microsoft Keyboard

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Top ten reasons that Bill Gates would run for president.

1. He wants to buy an old Cesna, paintit flashy colors, and call it Air Force '2000.
2. He heard that some government agencies were using UNIX.
3. He wants to get that illegal sports car in SF Bay into the US.
4. He just thinks it would be neat to be president of two big thingies.
5. He's hot for Janet Reno.
6. His ego needs to be inflated.
7. He lost the key to his mansion, so he needs a new place to live.
8. He thinks that he can use MS Money to balance the budget.
9. He feels that Perot just didn't throw enough money at it.
10. He wants to make Windows '2000 the official operating system of the USA.

Microsoft Keyboard

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more functional. The keys in development are:

1) GPF key--This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

2) $$ key--When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.

3) ZD key--This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.

4) MS key--This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

5) FUD key--Self explanatory.

6) Memphis key--Generates do-nothing loops for months at a time.

7) IBM key--Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them.